difficult people

Wayne Dyer, the TV guru, jokes, "Relatives are the most difficult people." It is a challenge to deal with them even if you are not living with them. Spiritualists, from Thich Naht Hanh to Pema Chodron, state that the difficult people you encounter are there to challenge you in your spiritual practice. In other words, what is the point to your spiritual practice if you can't practice it on these difficult people? Thich Naht Hahn speaks from his experience of speaking with the enemies who oppressed and killed his fellow monks during the American war in Vietnam. Pema Chodron left a difficult marriage and years later, when she was deep into her life as a Buddhist nun, communicated with her ex-husband. The Dalai Lama continues to speak out against the oppression of Tibet (from where he and his fellow monks had to flee in 1959) by the Chinese governement, but he is able to say that he loves the Chinese, including the government officials who are carrying out their terribly oppressive policies on the inhabitants of Tibet. How is this possible?
I realize as I look at myself, I find it impossible to talk to someone who has been mean to me. As I am deepening my yogic practice--bhakti, hatha, and karma--I am thinking I need to practice the art of communicating with difficult people, even relatives who have been far from civil to me and my children. When I expressed this to a friend, he said I was on the right track. He said, "Look at nations who have been at war with each other because they simply stick to their positions. Once warring nations begin talking, then there is a chance for each side to air out their positions, their differences, and reach some kind of compromise." I too had been thinking about this analogy between differences of opinion between people and differences between nations.  If I continue to be locked in my position, then there will only be a stalemate. Do I really want that? Or, do I want to achieve a spiritually advanced position of reaching beyond the anger and bitterness caused by differences? Someone opposed to this way of thinking might say that I am simply giving in to the other side and am forgetting the terrible wrong done to me. My response is that this is too simplistic and does not address the question that is at the heart of any spiritual practice: how do you communicate with another despite the other person being difficult? If the other person is violent, physically or emotionally, of course you must think of your safety first. But as time elapses, isn't there a possibility for civil discourse?